The Little Red Farm....

 We cannot dance around grief….

We are called to be brave,

step into and through it……

Walking with tender boldness to the other side of the moment….

Today I went to a place where Mama and I created so many memories.  

The Little Red Farm Nursery and the lovely Gayle has been a sanctuary for so many.

A place not just of plants and flowers, but of stories shared and lives lived together.  

80% of Mama’s garden came from the Little Red Farm.  I can remember so many times having to play plant tetris so we could fit in “just one more rose or hanging basket”, even if that meant something sat on Mama’s lap for the return trip home.  

Gayle is someone who truly walks in kindness and cherishes people. I remember the day she came to sit in Mama’s Garden and sat with us for tea. I joined them as Mama gave her a tour of her garden, and showed her all the flowers and treasure that were there.  I watched as she listened all of Mama's stories from her life, her family and her heart. She brought Mama a garden angel. That day was a gift and I am forever grateful to her for pouring such love into Mama.  

She was there to hug me when I shared with her that Mama had passed.  She was there to receive back that angel as a memory of Mama for her own garden.  

After Mama passed, and we had to dismantle her garden. There was a layer of grief in this that I knew would happen. 

But I still had the Little Red Farm, and could go there to remember and continue to share stories.  Even after moving to Central Oregon, I could go back to visit and bring back roses.  I am determined for them to grow and bloom here in this new climate of heat and snow.  

This past week, I heard the news that Gayle was retiring and they were closing down the Little Red Farm. I knew I had to go one more time.  To see Gayle, hug her and thank her once again for the kindness and the community they have all created.  To walk one more time and pull the wagon through the rows of plants and flowers.  

What I didn’t realize was the layer of grief that would happen as I made what may be my last purchase there and drove away.  I didn’t realize how deep my hearts' connection was with this place, and how it would impact me knowing I wouldn’t have access any more.  I didn’t realize how deeply walking through that nursery connected me to my memories with of Mama.  Those memories that were so dear and special.  

And so a layer of grief rose up, and with it the call to be brave, tender and bold. To step into the place of gratitude that comes when we allow grace to guide us through.  

I know this isn’t the last layer.  More will come.  It’s part of life.  

It is the love that lingers when the loved one is no longer present.  

It is the words that didn’t get spoken out loud and are now spoken in our hearts.

I am grateful for those trips with Mama.  So grateful for the laughter and the plant tetris.  

I am grateful for places like the Little Red Farm and people like Gayle.  

I am grateful that I have 5 roses to tend and encourage to bloom.  

Most of all, I am grateful for the Love of God and His great grace that guides my heart through the grieving when it rises up.  

He keeps my tears in a bottle and holds them as precious.  

Find those places.  Have adventures.  Make memories.  Don’t hold back your love.  

Yes, grief is hard.  

But I would rather have a life lived without regret.  With memories that linger and, yes bring moments like today, than look back and realized I missed an opportunity to love.  

PS. 

If you live near the Little Red Farm in Springfield Oregon, go in and tell them all how wonderful they are.  

Wish them well and bless them as they go forward into their new season and adventure. 

And perhaps buy a few plants and make some memories.