The Ice is finally beginning to melt and I am feeling that freedom which comes only when you have been shut up and unable to move freely. It began several days ago when almost 6 inches of snow landed in my neighborhood. In the “south” this is not so common and which means that side streets are left without care due to lack of equipment and funding (but we won’t go there will we.....)
I am from a place where it rains a bunch and in the winter we can get snow and some very dangerous freezing rain. I am still able to know when it’s just not a good idea to venture out. So the snow began and the freezing rain followed and I stayed put for the most part. Before the ice came, I went for this amazing walk in the fresh new fallen snow. I had forgotten how beautiful it is to see and to experience. It covered everything and made it all look so clean and white. But it was cold and I glad that the little store I was walking to was close by. The one thing I did do that day was to clean of my front steps and apply salt to every inch of them. I used up the majority of my salt doing this, but knew that it would be essential for the next morning. You see, those us of who have been in snow, know that with it comes ice. It was the ice that I was preparing for....
I knew that when the ice came, having salt on my steps would protect it from freezing. That layer of salt would also protect myself, and those who came to my door (including the mail carrier) from potential harm. I did all of this and then I waited... I watched, I tested the weather and I waited. I waited because I knew, that the sun would come out and the ice and snow would melt away. The sun will always come out. It’s a promise.
So this morning, ironically 3 days later (hmmmmmm......) I went outside. The road was clear. The ice was gone and I knew that today I could drive around the neighborhood without the need to look for black ice as I had done the day before.
So... now you are asking. “where is she going with all of this? When does the blog start?” Remember, I am a story-teller as well. I am leading you into the story of a heart that was once covered in ice. But under that ice was a tender and soft place waiting to be free.
This morning as I was taking out the trash, I had to walk across the yard that still had a layer of ice covering all of that beautiful snow. It made me think. I heard the Lord in my heart start to whisper, “Remember...” I love it when He does that. When the amazing love to my Jesus beacons me to a time in my own story of redemption, grace and hope. The moments are more amplified when I am engaged in a similar activity, so I began to break up the ice on my back porch and sweep it away. Revealing the soft snow underneath and eventually my actual porch. I kept hearing, “I will take your heart of stone and and give you a heart of flesh”.
I began to see that place of ice covered protection I had once covered my own heart in. I also saw how even in that time of self protection, the Love of my Jesus had prepared me with salt. He had made a way for me to be as safe as possible while He waited. While He tested the weather of my heart, watched over me and with a relentless love waited for the warmth of the SON to melt that ice. I also remembered the trapped feelings that I had while in that place of “self-protection”. I remembered that, even though I felt “in control” and “in charge”, underneath all of that I felt no real sense of peace or freedom. I was focused on keeping myself protected and in control. I couldn’t allow a possible dent in my armor or crack in the ice. That would uncover my soft inner heart and this meant feeling in ways that I wasn’t ready for. I couldn’t control those emotions, so I put them “under ice”. My heart became stone.
My identity was covered in self-protection because of fear and hurt. I thought that I knew best how to cover myself and protect myself. I didn’t truly and to my core trust anyone to cover and speak into my heart. I had shut myself in behind that ice. I had shut myself away from really knowing and being known by authentic LOVE.
To those who knew me, worked with me (partied with me), and even came to me for council, there was no appearance of ice. I was the picture of kindness, compassion and strength. When you look out a window at the snow covered ground, you may not see the layer of ice that covers it. Black ice is usually only realized when you are on you backside after having slipped on it. Everything looks quite normal and even beautiful on the surface of things. That is until you step just the wrong way. Then the protection of one who has covered themselves with ice kicks in and you find yourself confronted with a hard surface and a treacherous path.
But this is where it gets good people, so please keep reading...
Remember how I said earlier that the relentless love of my Jesus had prepared the ground. He who knew me while I was yet in the matrix of my amazing Mother's womb KNEW me. Knew that I would do this thing to my own heart. He poured His life out onto the ground and covered the core-the deepest places of my heart with His love. He became the salt of the earth in my heart. Isn't that just incredible!! He melted things from the inside and fro the outside because He was there from the beginning and He will be there AS PROMISED in the end.
Only the authentic love of Christ can penetrate layers of ice that have formed over years of hurt. Only that love is able to come in, and with the sacrifice that came with it, speak to the identity underneath that ice and call it out. Those of us who have experienced it have a testimony that cannot be taken or shaken. I want to challenge us all understand what causes another to cover themselves with ice and shut off the tender places from hurt. I want to challenge us to look beyond the ice, and bring the salt of authentic love that melts it. We are there to speak of identity and truth in love. To share our own testimony of the kindness that called us into a heart that needs not protect itself, because One greater is protecting it in a way we never could.
But... it is God who breaks the ice, not us. He has been watching for longer and He knows when that ice is ready. We may be there as a witness and a promise. It is Jesus Christ and His amazing mercy and grace that is needed for the final breaking.
When the ice has melted, the earth is releaved. In all of it's glory and fresh life. It is a promise. It will happen. The SON will always come out. Wait... watch and test the weather. Bring the salt of love, the flavor of Christ... Bring the love.
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